10 Things to Hate About Mardi Gras

10.
Drunk people who want to hug you.

The same guy knocked over three of my drinks at different times during the day because he felt the need to hug me. Something tells me he is repressing some hidden feelings. His poor wife probably already sees this bombshell coming.

9.
People throwing up in your tub.

I think that says it all.

8.
Irregular breasts that are shown whether beads are given or not.

I saw at least two pairs of boobs that couldnt have looked worse if Picasso had drawn them....drunk.

7.
Explaining to a coworker on Monday that you dont remember calling them "cocksucker" but you are sure that you are sorry.

6.
Losing that last belief that all human beings deep down are noble and decent people.

This happened when I saw a man shitting in a dumpster.

5.
Paying $7 for a Polish sausage that tasted like it had been delivered to the stand by rolling it down Russell Street through urine, vomit, and even worse, hurricane mix.

4.
Did I mention that I saw a guy shitting in a dumpster?

3.
Being called an asshole when you ask who someone is when you find them in a closed off room of your apartment.

The scary part is that he was alone, so I guess he was his own Mardi Gras hookup. That's gross enough, but I dont want to steam clean some guy's DNA out of my carpet(unless it is my own).

2.
Seeing a fat couple eat a brat ala Lady and the Tramp.

At first I thought it was romantic and then I realized they were fighting over it.

1.
I feel like I have to go to the bathroom whenever I take my trash to the dumpster now.

Thanks fella.