Happy Holidays

I have been corrected three times in the last two days for telling people(cashiers, waiters, etc) to have a "Merry Christmas". Every time the person has looked at me and snidely said "Happy Holidays". How is that any better? If you dont celebrate Christmas, the day still exists and you have to occupy that time doing something, and I am just saying that I hope it is merry. Dick.

My car

So my car is actually 100% fine. There is a small bar underneath it that is wiggling and making a lot of noise. No big deal, which is a relief. I looked at new cars, but I dont know what I want. I am leaning towards a new mustang or escape. It doesnt matter to me. The ladies go crazy no matter what I drive. And by ladies, I mean the ones with a pre-existing history of mental illness, and for some reason my automobile choice causes them to relapse.

That's my curse.

Yet another video...

This one was featured on Funny or Die for a few hours, so that is something.

New Video

Back in the summer my friends Lynn, Sam, and Aaron helped me with a video. This is the rough cut. We were going to reshoot the majority of it, but scheduling didnt work out amongst our actors and we missed the sunny days to shoot on. So we ended up with a version none of us are that excited about, but why waste the video?

Enjoy.

The Clean Life

I am swearing off junk food starting......now. I am going to give up sweets and fast food for at least two months and that includes the holidays. I dont feel good. Simple as that.

I no longer have my gymnast body and the world deserves to have it back.

The bars are going to go broke.

Do I smell?

So it has been brought to my attention that I have a "scent". At first I thought this might be a slight against my personal hygiene, but considering I take a 75 minute bath in rose petals every morning, I convinced myself otherwise.

Apparently a person named Pam, who shall remain nameless, said that she could smell my scent on a piece of furniture after I was on it. According to WebMD, this is the first stage of lunacy.

Actually, the first sign may be letting me into your house to sit on your furniture. If nothing else, it is bad judgment.

Good news

My car is now fine. I had it repaired in Arkansas and got a whole bunch of other stuff done to it for $102. That included a transmission flush and fixing a tire that had a nail in it.

If I had had this done in St. Louis, we would be talking around $600. Mechanics are a rip off. You know you have gone to a bad mechanic when he has diamonds in his teeth and his chest hair has been dipped in gold.